HOME STUDY!

My home study was this past Wednesday.  I knew quite a bit of what to expect, but wasn't sure of the precise particulars.  From the emails, I knew the lady was friendly and presumed she was about my age.  She acted like a real human being and did not have a higher than thou attitude that I didn't realize I was looking for until she didn't have it.  :)

She arrived right on time, and we ate lunch while she asked a bunch of questions that in any other situation could be considered inappropriate coming from a stranger.  "What's your relationship with your father?"  "Why do you want to be a foster parent?"  (This was a "really!?" moment in it's hilarity.  When I explained about wanting to be a mom and loving on little ones, she said, "You know there's other ways to be a mom, right?"  Ummm...not sure where you're going with this since we've established the fact that I'm single.  Are you really talking about...oh, yes...yes, you are.  Um, blushing....um....stumbling over words....um....AND, MOVING ON NOW!)

Some of the questions I had no clue how to begin answering because of the ridiculousness of the question.  Well, that's not true.  The question is not ridiculous, but the fact that they have to ask it due to the SAD nature of humanity that even finds it's way into foster parenting is heartbreaking.

"What question could you possibly be talking about, Alyssa?"

"What are  your rules about food?"

My first thought was "Should I HAVE rules about food?"  I mean, I know some children need help balancing their food intake, but a RULE about it seems a little extreme to me...and then it hit me and "Well, it will be accessible." came out of my mouth.

Her immediate words were "That's the word I needed to hear.  It needs to be accessible."  And an episode of Criminal Minds immediately came to mind of Morgan and Prentiss being in a foster parent's house and the lady wearing a key around her neck, under her shirt.  A key to the padlock on the REFRIGERATOR and her foster son, who is a teenage boy that would like an after school snack is denied because of her selfishness and frugality.  DISGUSTING!
(On a much more shallow note: Fellow CM watchers, Melody and Kelly, I'm thinking of you and smiling :)  Any other Criminal Minds friends out there?)

Another difficult question was "What are your feelings towards the bio parents?"  That one is hard on so many levels.  My emotions aren't raw now, because I don't know my little girl's story yet.  I haven't held her as she wakes up in tears.  I don't have her terrified and angry eyes looking at me when I make the simple, yet oh so terrifying suggestion of taking a bath.  I'm not dealing with a tantrum to gain my attention because she has been neglected.  I'm not in the trenches yet...so my emotions aren't raw.  I can think logically and know that these parents are HUMAN and make mistakes because of that distinction.  I know I was raised in a home where my parents knew how to be parents.  My mom's college degree is in Early Childhood Development, so basically "this is how you raise children."  I know the parents of these children didn't have that same blessing.  I know many of these parents were probably abused themselves and are simply treating their children the way they were treated....or the only way they know how.  I know that.  I can think logically about it now.  I know these little ones don't WANT to be removed from their home.  They may be scared, but these are still their parents, whom they love.  They may hate it there, but the unknown is much more scary and this strange white lady is exactly that...a stranger.

She was here for just short of two hours and the last five minutes we toured the apartment.  This part was comically frustrating.  I mean, it was comical because of the short time she looked around, but frustrating because SERIOUSLY, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE WORKED TO FOLLOW THE RULES AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO LOOK!  Not to mention my thoughts of, "What if the next person that comes does more than glances at things and something is wrong and I didn't know it was wrong because you didn't even look at it so I didn't know to fix it and now it's wrong and I'm being written up for it or whatever the foster agency calls it and I can't really blame you, but oh, how I will want to!"  (Yes, grammar friends, I am quite aware that is a major run-on sentence, but I'm doing it anyway.  Stream of consciousness and all.  And none of you should be even the slightest bit surprised that I'm having to explain a choice to break the grammar rules.  Love, Me)

Her final words were that she had no concerns and she'd type up the paperwork next week.  Backing up just a tad though, when she saw the clothes in the girl's closet, she commented that I was really prepared and she could call me with a little girl tomorrow.  Um, WHAT!?  Yes, I'm prepared, but I don't know that I want a little one tomorrow!

Since then we've emailed a bit and while the next stage is completely out of my hands and not difficult, it is simply a formality actually, but it is a formality that requires several steps.  She has to type up the forms, contacting me if she ever has a question.  Then someone proofreads them.  Then she makes any corrections.  Then three people have to sign off on them, two in Arlington and one in Carrollton.  So, while none of that is hard, we all know that could take awhile.  I've heard this process can take anywhere from 2-6 weeks.  But, it is all a formality.  If they receive a phone call about a child that fits with me well, they can fly through that paperwork in minutes and that child could be in my home tonight.

Yes, I just typed tonight.  Yes, that scares me more than a little.

I really did think I would wait a whole school year.  Now, I'm....stuck...questioning.  Should I wait?  Should I be ready to move forward immediately?  I've come to the conclusion that the Lord is in control of this and it is HIS timing, not mine.  If He wants me to have a little girl, then it will be when He is ready.  When they call, I know He will prepare me to answer...with either a yes or a no.  That call could come at any moment.  They want an answer immediately.  Right then.  On the phone.  The child could be at my home anywhere from 30  minutes to 2 hours later.  It happens quickly.

Prayers for discernment, wisdom, patience and a love for the little girl beyond any possible emotion I could physically possess are welcome, begged for and oh, so appreciated!

Waiting

I know there are many things in life we have to wait for.  Knowing it happens and actually living it aren't the same though, you know?

I completed the cultural online class.  I retook the class that expired and then I was told they would meet on a Monday (in late November) to assign home study writers with families waiting to foster.  A week after that meeting, I hadn't heard anything, so I emailed to follow up.  No response.

I emailed a week after that to see if my parents needed to light a fire on their process, since they will be my primary respite care providers (aka: babysitters).  No response.

In the middle of December, I emailed to see if there was anything else I needed to do and heard back immediately that my home study wouldn't be until after the first of the year (I had figured that since we're just a few days from Christmas) and that actually the EARLIEST I would be assigned a home study writer would be the end of January.

So...waiting.

I'm trying not to waste this time.  I don't want to waste my life waiting for something to happen (even if that something is a little girl that I'm looking forward to loving).

Then, I remembered my plan.  Well, kinda God's plan.  One of those plans that I made and am pretty sure God gave His stamp of approval to.  (Anybody else ever do that?  Anybody?)  I had decided, before I moved, that I would give myself a full school year to learn a new job before taking a little one in.  That makes sense, right?  The first couple months were rough, then I started to feel comfortable.  Around the first week or so of November, I remember thinking "I've got this down.  I could go ahead and start fostering as soon as I finish the process."  Then the Friday before Thanksgiving break, I had a nasty parent conference.  Nastiest of my career.  One that made me question remaining in education.  And, I realized God was getting my attention.  It really is wise to wait a full school year.  I really don't need to be arrogant and think I've got this all figured out.  I really do have things to learn.

So, I'm not in a rush.  When I have a little girl, I will treasure my time with her.  When He provides one for me to love, I will do my best to love her.  His calendar.  His timing; not mine.  Yes, Lord, I'm still listening.  You're still getting my attention through Acts 2.  (Paradigm Friends, can I get an "Amen?"

Fire Inspection...one step closer

My fire inspection was scheduled for today.  I had been a little nervous about it.  It's the kinda thing you don't know what to expect, you know?  It could be a two minute walk through and "you're good to go" or it could be detailed questions that I may or may not know the answers to.  It kinda just depends on the person, I think?

Anyway, this was the two minute and "you're good to go" variety.  Score!

I heard back from Sam last night.  I have one class I have to retake due to it being expired and one reference letter I'm waiting on and a cultural online class I have to take. 

Never before heard of the cultural online class. 

I love when I'm told something as a "yep, you're missing this" as if I should know I'm missing it, when in reality I hadn't been told it was needed. 

Oh, well.  The Fire Inspection is PASSED and all my paperwork is in!  I'll get the cultural online class behind me, remind my former Bible study teacher to send in his reference letter, retake the one class that's expired and then I'm ready for a Home Study!

As long as I'm not missing anything else I'm not currently aware I'm missing.

Oh the joys of....paperwork?

The ball really started rolling with my fostering licensing on October 22.  I had taken the day off for an appointment, but was able to handle some other things too, namely calling Arrow.  Because of that phone call, I went to a training two evenings later that week.  The next week Samantha, my Arrow lady, and I began talking or emailing at least once a day.

I was frustrated that the Houston office had not forwarded my file.  Samantha moved forward on getting that accomplished.  (Something about scanning it in wasn't working...so it had to be mailed.)  I knew my Houston paperwork was complete.  The only thing we were waiting on, before a home study, was that one training class and I took it October 23 and 25....so I'm golden, right?  I mean, I knew I needed a fire inspection, but she had told me the city I live in wouldn't do it and the Arrow employee would need to check that off when they come for the home study.

Then I get an email that she needed me to complete the ENTIRE application all over again simply because my address had changed.  Um?  Does that scream bureaucracy to anyone else?  Seriously?  Let's white it out and write the new one.  The rest of it is the same!  She couldn't create a file on me until she had an application with an address in her area.  So, I redid the pages that were affected by the move and faxed those to her.

I know I'm not planning to foster until next summer.  I'm giving myself one full school year to learn a new job, transition to a new city, etc.  So I haven't really had a fire lit under me about all this paperwork and, at first, was moving kind of slowly.  Then, in one of our conversations, she said "It will depend on who is in the position after the 19th."  Um, are you leaving?  Yes.  Yes, she is.  And she has been helpful.  And actually knows ANSWERS when I ask questions.  And actually INITIATES contact and provides valuable information.  So, the fire was lit.  I have been moving like a banshee (I have no idea if that simile even makes sense.  Go with me on it, please. :)

So, I get all the paperwork turned in to her...and believe me, it's a LOT of paperwork.  On Tuesday of this week, I receive an email with 9 items and two online trainings that I need to turn in.

WHAT!?  I thought I was almost finished!  Nope.  They need a copy of my college diploma, FBI fingerprints, a fire inspection, a health inspection, reference letters (that were turned in, but somehow lost), two more trainings (both that I've done, one that expires this month and one that they typed the wrong date and so THEY think it expired in January...except I TOOK it in January.

Ok, no matter, I CAN DO THIS!  I have a fire inspection scheduled for this coming Tuesday afternoon.  (Apparently the city I live in does Fire Inspections.  What they do NOT do are health inspections, so the Arrow employee will do that when they arrive.  Love being given incorrect information and then facing the consequences of that incorrect information.)  I faxed in everything else (I don't work in a job that I need to fax very often.  Usually when I do it, I end up pushing a wrong button or something that equally shouts (Um, she doesn't know how to work a simple machine!) but I tell you what, I have become a proficient faxer this week!  (I know.  You are so proud.)

One of the items I needed to complete is something they call an Autobiography.  Um, I'm going to write a book about me?  Nope, I'm going to answer a 10 page questionnaire about my childhood, my parents, my parents' marriage, my neighbors and their opinions of my fostering decision, etc.  Yep, it was a little over the top, but I think I might be starting to get used to over the top.

My Arrow lady is taking vacation time just before she quits, so she's out of the office until tomorrow.  I THINK all the needed paperwork is turned in.  I will have to take one class over again.  It's on November 29.  But I THINK everything else is complete.  Here's hoping when she returns to work tomorrow, she agrees with me!

Welcome to Medicaid (puke)

I feel like I got a crash course this afternoon in the HORRIBLENESS that is Medicaid.

And then I think back and realize the people I spoke with were helpful (better than the post office) and while the information I was provided was not complete, it as least wasn't wrong.

And I shudder.

Because I realize it could be SO MUCH WORSE!

Arrow (another grumble for another time, because SERIOUSLY people!  Do your job!) has only sent a partial file and the lady I'm talking with here (who is fabulous, but (of course...can we say "turn over") is only in this position until November 19) needs my complete and updated application (that she hasn't yet received from the Houston office of the SAME COMPANY).

(Y'all followed all of that rant, right? :))

So I've been madly filling out paperwork today.  I need a new pediatrician and pediatric dentist that accepts Medicaid.  (You were wondering when I would get back to the title's topic, weren't you?  No?  Because we're friends and  you know I rabbit trail?  Oh, ok. :)  I called one pediatric dentist, but they don't accept Medicaid.  The lady graciously suggested I call Medicaid for a list of dentists.  I then googled Medicaid and began the 30 minute long process to find the TEXAS part of the website and then HALLELUJAH a phone number! (Yes, that's all I needed.  Yes, it took 30 minutes.)  Then called and the automated system wanted my Medicaid pin number.  Um, I don't have one.  ??

I'll fast forward through the next bit...because as interesting as they are (cough, cough) 

I love how the list of four names the lady gave me were not actually pediatric dentists, but oral surgeons and orthodontists, but the MOST HELPFUL PEOPLE EVER were the ladies that answered the phones at all those offices.  (Shout out to Morgan from Monarch Dental...You rock!) and I now officially have a pediatric dentist that accepts all 3 forms (Did you know there were three different forms of Medicaid?  because I, naively, did not.)

Whoo-hoo!

I also was able to speak with the fire marshal and found out that I need TWO, count them TWO fire extinguishers (one for each level) and they're $50/piece.  Joy.  Anyone want to sponsor a soon-to-be foster family?  How anyone makes money on this process, I have no idea. 

All Training Classes Finished!

Thursday night marked the final class of the foster parent licensing process.  Arrow isn't fabulous with communication (cough, understatement, cough, cough), so I'm not really sure  of the next step in the process.  But....I have ALL THE REQUIRED TRAININGS COMPLETED!

Whoo-hooo!

This is HOME!

Moving day went far better than I could have ever imagined!  We picked up the uhaul first thing Saturday morning and 12 friends helped us load it!  I am loved! (And man, oh, man, do I appreciate it!)

Dad and I were on the road before noon and arrived at the new place at 3:30. I hired a couple of homeless men to unload the truck.  (By the way, I totally recommend this!  My dad knew the men, so there was no concern there.  It blessed them with a job and a meal.  It blessed me with a HUGE amount of help for a good price.  Win-Win!)

Lots of family was there to help and each person claimed a job.  Candice took care of the patio.  Greg and Dad installed shelving.  Andrea and her friend Bailey put together the girls' room and painted the dresser.  Vicki unpacked and organized the kitchen.  Aunt Barbara unpacked all the decorative items.  Rhonda hung curtains and all the pictures.  Angela ran up and down stairs with whatever we needed.  Madeline organized the cleaning products under the sinks and in the utility closet.  Emma and Kaden kept Andrea and Bailey company.  Mom and I flitted between everybody else's jobs as they needed decisions and answers to "Is this straight?  Does this go here?  Where do you want this to go?  and my favorite "This doesn't fit/work, so what next?"  :)

I'm painting drawer pulls to go with the dresser Andrea and Bailey painted.  So cute!
I'm just loving the black and white theme with pink accents!  It will be easy to change the pink to something else if a little one doesn't like pink.  Towels and sheets aren't that expensive and black and white is super adorable, but "neutral" enough that it's easy to pull together with any color!  Love!

Aunt Barbara thought ahead and brought several items for the half bath.  She had talked with Mom and Mom knew I wanted a statement bathroom, so Aunt B was already on the right track!  She's MUCH better at decorating than I will ever be.  She found the cutest things!  LOVE IT!  She and Mom really pulled this all together and it's perfect!

We had known for awhile that the apartment complex would paint an accent wall in several rooms.  Mom and I just weren't sure of the color we would want.  (Mom's better at knowing what colors go with what, so I defer to her opinion a lot in this department).  We decided to only do a wall (ok, two) in the kitchen with this Tupelo Hut green. I really like it!  I'm also loving all the black appliances!

The extended family left Sunday at 4:00 and at that point, there was only one box left to unpack.  ONE BOX LEFT!  Whew!  My family is awesome!

The only thing left is a bathroom cabinet in the master bathroom because there is no storage really.  (And the contents in that ONE BOX LEFT need somewhere to go, right?)  We shopped around and decided on one from Seconds and Surplus.  Mom is painting it and Dad will install it.  Hopefully that will be finished this weekend.

*I wrote this in July, but finally took pictures in October.  FYI :)